I just finished my Monthly Report and realized I have not written anything here for a month. As I reviewed the month, I think I know why. There are times when emotional strain is more challenging. This past month was one such time. I've had other times when emotional strain has been high.
Let me share with you a brief glimpse into a time of utter emotional wreckage for me. If God has ever carried me, it was during this time these now, many years ago. This season of my life was marked by almost complete and utter devastation. I thought I was losing my mind. I was filled with shame and anger and such dislocated emotions, I didn't really know what to do. My most obvious consideration was each moment of each day.
My two daughters were a lifeline for me. At least, I'll say, the thought of them and their future was what kept me moving forward. So I thank their existence in my life for that. They were very concerned for me and my well being. I also can be thankful that God placed some good friends and other family around me. I did not know how good they were until I looked back and saw how they spoke into my life at just the right times. They, in their own way, guarded me from making critically stupid decisions. You all probably know what critically stupid decisions are. That seems to be something all of us have known.
What this season of my life was and what it was that brought me to a place of such horror was that I was learning to live with the reality that my wife of twenty four years was legally separated from me and we were headed for a divorce. I never thought that would be a reality I would experience. So much for me being the exception to the rule.
I don't want to go into a lot of details, other than to say that during those days, weeks, months and years, I felt a closeness to God more than I had before. I do remember some of my reading being in the book of Job and also the book of Lamentations and Jeremiah. I drew fresh strength each day from those words of God. They were words from when people experienced something horrific in their life. It was freeing for me to realize I wasn't alone in going through feelings of complete abandonment and distress.
This past month has been nothing to the level of what I experienced those many years ago. But, I was reminded of how God brought me through such a horrible time. I was reminded of how it is people who God uses to help people. And also I was reminded that life is seasonal. And it is no season that lasts forever. It only, sometimes, feels that way. God is in charge and it is best when I learn to trust Him. Good results come from that.